Orbs… We Have To Have This Discussion Again?

Orbs… need I say more?  Apparently I do because the math just doesn’t add up!

Everyone I talk to claims that they don’t believe in orbs.  “Orbs Schmorbs” they say.

Perhaps those of us trying to sound sciency would word it more like, “It is so hard to successfully differentiate a true orb from dust, particulates, moisture or bugs.  In addition, orbs are too easy for a skeptic to scrutinize as far as validity because of the higher possibility that it is one of the aforementioned natural occurrences.  Therefore, our team does not support orb photo’s.”

So why do I continually hear this caveat to the above statements, “But check out this picture…”?

WHY??!!??  Really; why should I “just check out this one picture”?  Because it looks like a demon head is inside of it?  Because, if you blow it up so much that it is as pixelated as a 70’s video game, you can see a southern belle in all her finery on her way to Cotillion?  Is that why this particular picture merits a “but…”?

A few years ago I investigated Antietam Battlefield in Sharpsburg, Maryland.  As you can see by these pictures… there must have been ghosts EVERYWHERE!!!  Well; that or it was such a humid night that every picture looks like “Its raining ghosts!  Hallelujah, it’s raining ghosts, amen!”

It was an amazingly humid night folks.  Just like every other summer night in Maryland.  It was plenty warm, we were in jeans and t-shirts, but it was so humid that the moisture just hung in the air.  We saw that with every flash of the camera’s.  One of the people, whom I had never met before, was investigating for her first time.  Some weeks later I ran into her at an event in Fredrick Maryland.  She informed me that she caught a picture of a ghost.  This peaked my interest as she whipped out a well worn photo from her giant purse.  I am not kidding, this purse was big enough to stuff a baby in!

I am looking at her photo, and looking, and looking.  I can’t see this ghost, until she points it out to me, and there it was!  Actually; the ghost she pointed out to me looked exactly like a storm ship trooper.  She began to explain to me that this is a confederate soldier leaning against the fence while watching us investigate.  If confederate soldiers wore full body armor made out of white plastic with silly mask faces… then yes, I would have to agree with her.  But it wasn’t a confederate soldier.  It was a clump of moisture droplets suspended in the air.  To an eye that is desperate to find something, they turned into whatever she wanted them to be.

People I have never met before show me their “ground breaking” evidence which consists of smokey swirls between the camera and a scrubby mess of bushes.  But I look at the picture and I think one thing… okay, maybe two.  Why do people always take pictures of scrubby messy bushes?  And why am I supposed to believe that this isn’t cigarette smoke?

Oh, I know you say it isn’t cigarette smoke, and you tell me that this was taken on a warm night so it wasn’t your breath.  But the truth is, I wasn’t there when this picture was taken so I can only rely on the most logical conclusion… which is that it was cigarette smoke.  Any skeptic can only rely on this conclusion as well.  The bottom line is that you have no way of proving that this isn’t cigarette smoke especially when you have no corroborating evidence to show me along with your photo. “But look at the mist.  It is clearly a picture of a Care Bear shooting a musket at Bigfoot!  Look at this swirl here?  This is the rainbow across his tummy! DON’T YOU SEE IT?”

“Well yes, I see something resembling what you are describing, but yesterday I also saw a perfect formation of an elephant in the clouds… it wasn’t paranormal.”  And guess what everybody, I have been in Gettysburg on a night so hot and humid that we were sitting in chairs in our shorts and t-shirts, and you could see our breath like it was below zero.  Any number of natural occurrences (or cigarette smoke) cold have caused this.

“Okay, fine.  That doesn’t impress you?”  as he scrolls through pictures on his iPad, “Check out this one Orb…”

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS PARANORMALY HOLY!!!

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